• Learning To Be Assertive

    Respectfully Dealing With Bullying...

    What does ASSERTIVE mean?
    ** It is expressing one’s feelings and defending one’s rights while respecting the rights and feelings of others.


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    How do I practice being assertive when I am being bullied by others?

    1. SHOW SELF-CONFIDENCE.

    a. Stand tall, walk with confidence, keep your head up, make eye contact, and move closer instead of backing away.

    2. KEEP YOUR FACIAL EXPRESSION PEACEFUL AND CALM.

    a. Do not show the bully that they have made you upset! Wear your serious face so that they do not know they have hurt your feelings.

    3. HOLD YOUR HANDS BESIDE YOUR BODY in a non-threatening way (so it does not look like you want to fight).

    4. USE A CALM BUT FIRM VOICE

    a. Yelling/angry tones in your voice let the bully know that they have gotten a reaction out of you- and that is what they want.

    5. USE ASSERTIVE STATEMENTS/STRATEGIES:

    a. Basic assertive statements- Set your boundaries and lay out your plan of action.

                                                                      i.   Ex: “Stop NOW!! If you do not stop, I will get an adult to help.”

    b.   Fogging technique- Whatever a bully says to insult you- ADMIT TO IT! They won’t know what to do next!

                                                                      i.   Ex- Bully: “Nice four eyes Tom!!”  Reply:  “Gee, I never thought of it that way. I guess I do have four eyes!”

                                                                    ii.   Remember that even though you are admitting to it in the fogging approach, it is not the same thing as believing that what a bully says is true. Don’t forget that people can only hurt you on the inside if you let them.

    c. Broken record- Whenever a bully says mean things, respond each time the same way. You can say “so” or “what did you say?” or “and…” Each time they have to repeat what they have said or come up with a new way to insult you, respond the same way in a calm and cool manner. Eventually the bully will get frustrated and give up.

    d.   Let it roll off your back- When a bully tries to hurt you with their words respond simply by saying “You are allowed to think what you want, but it doesn’t bother me.” Sometimes you can combine this technique with the broken record technique to get the bully to give up- after all, if you aren’t getting upset, they are not getting the reaction they had hoped for.

    e.   Use humor- Come up with a witty retort that will surely stump them!

                                                                      i.   Ex: Bully: “You have dog breath!” Reply: “It must have been the bones I was chewing on during lunch!”

    f.   Be proud of who you are- this technique is all about remembering that people can only hurt you if you let them.  Stand up and be proud of you are- put a positive spin on the subject of their teasing!

                                                                      i.   Ex:  Bully: “I have never seen such enormous feet!  You have clown feet!” Reply: “Well, I guess that would make me just like some of my favorite basketball players. I hear that big feet help them to run quickly around the court. I guess I am lucky!”

    **Always remember that you can WALK AWAY from any conversation with someone who is treating you poorly!

    **Remember to take care of yourself. If you are feeling down about the things that a bully says to you or about you try to:

    a. Build your confidence- be proud of your personal strengths and assets instead of focusing on the things that you aren’t so proud of.

    b.   Be your own best cheerleader.

    c. Write about your thoughts and feelings.

    d.   Talk it out with an adult.